{"data":[{"_meta":{"removal_type":"deleted","retrieved_2nd_on":1776510344,"was_deleted_later":true},"all_awardings":[],"allow_live_comments":false,"approved_at_utc":null,"approved_by":null,"archived":false,"author":"Entire_Geologist_627","author_flair_background_color":null,"author_flair_css_class":null,"author_flair_richtext":[],"author_flair_template_id":null,"author_flair_text":null,"author_flair_text_color":null,"author_flair_type":"text","author_fullname":"t2_15wogfmnmy","author_is_blocked":false,"author_patreon_flair":false,"author_premium":false,"awarders":[],"banned_at_utc":null,"banned_by":null,"can_gild":false,"can_mod_post":false,"category":null,"clicked":false,"content_categories":null,"contest_mode":false,"created":1776309799,"created_utc":1776309799,"discussion_type":null,"distinguished":null,"domain":"self.therapists","downs":0,"edited":false,"gilded":0,"gildings":{},"hidden":false,"hide_score":false,"id":"1smrx9p","is_created_from_ads_ui":false,"is_crosspostable":true,"is_meta":false,"is_original_content":false,"is_reddit_media_domain":false,"is_robot_indexable":true,"is_self":true,"is_video":false,"likes":null,"link_flair_background_color":"#4bc738","link_flair_css_class":"","link_flair_richtext":[{"e":"text","t":"Research "},{"a":":upvote:","e":"emoji","u":"https://emoji.redditmedia.com/ad1td4bx9ezz_t5_3nqvj/upvote"}],"link_flair_template_id":"831fa588-aa84-11ef-ab0e-3a1196de1783","link_flair_text":"Research :upvote:","link_flair_text_color":"dark","link_flair_type":"richtext","locked":false,"media":null,"media_embed":{},"media_only":false,"mod_note":null,"mod_reason_by":null,"mod_reason_title":null,"mod_reports":[],"name":"t3_1smrx9p","no_follow":false,"num_comments":2,"num_crossposts":0,"num_reports":null,"over_18":false,"permalink":"/r/therapists/comments/1smrx9p/treating_after_narc_abuse_nobody_talks_about_life/","pinned":false,"pwls":6,"quarantine":false,"removal_reason":null,"removed_by":null,"removed_by_category":null,"report_reasons":null,"retrieved_on":1776309819,"saved":false,"score":0,"secure_media":null,"secure_media_embed":{},"selftext":"I have seen, everyone talks about surviving a narcissistic relationship. the manipulation, the gaslighting, the walking on eggshells. and yes that part is brutal.\n\nbut in my work as a therapist, I have seen somewhere the part nobody prepares you for is what comes after.\n\nBecause leaving doesn't end it. In many ways leaving is just the beginning.\n\nAnd to be honest here's what i actually see in my clients who've made it out .\n\n**Very first thing they flinch at kindness,**  someone being genuinely good to them feels wrong. suspicious as in like okay what do you actually want, because love was always a transaction before & always had a price tag which they never knew before.\n\n**They apologise  simply for existing like** for having needs, for taking up space & for feeling things also somewhere along the way they learned that their presence was an inconvenience and that belief doesn't leave just because the person did.\n\n**This is so common that they don't trust their own mind anymore,** when someone spends years telling you that your reality is wrong, you stop trusting your own perception. so now even when their gut is screaming something they second guess it. override it. talk themselves out of it.\n\n**Also every new person gets quietly mapped,** not on purpose, not consciously  but the brain is scanning every single interaction as in is this familiar? is THIS the moment it turns. a delayed text. a change in tone. a slightly quiet day. and suddenly the whole body is back there even if they're not.\n\n**They think they're healed because they're functional, now** this one is the part that breaks my heart the most like they're going to work, socializing, laughing, maybe even in a new relationship. and from the outside they look completely fine.\n\nbut inside they're still negotiating with demons they never deserved to meet.\n\nstill shrinking themselves in rooms, still waiting for the other shoe to drop, still feeling guilty for being happy like somehow they don't deserve a peaceful life. still waking up at 3am replaying conversations wondering what they did wrong.\n\nthe body keeps the score long after the mind decides to move on.\n\nAnd the most painful part? most of them don't even realize they're still in survival mode. because **survival mode** became their normal such a long time ago.\n\nLet me tell you healing from a narcissistic relationship isn't just leaving , It's grieving a version of yourself that got slowly erased.\n\nit's learning that calm can just be… calm. that there's no storm coming. that someone being kind isn't setting you up for something.\n\nThe most important part ,it's rebuilding trust in your own gut after years of being told it was wrong.\n\nthat process is quiet. it's slow. it's not linear. and it deserves so much more conversation than it gets.\n\nLet me tell you if you're in this right now, You're not broken & you're not damaged & you're not too much. You're just someone whose nervous system learned to survive something it never should have had to.","send_replies":true,"spoiler":false,"stickied":false,"subreddit":"therapists","subreddit_id":"t5_2wlgc","subreddit_name_prefixed":"r/therapists","subreddit_subscribers":203128,"subreddit_type":"public","suggested_sort":null,"thumbnail":"self","thumbnail_height":null,"thumbnail_width":null,"title":"Treating after Narc Abuse : Nobody talks about life AFTER the narcissistic relationship. And that's where the real battle begins","top_awarded_type":null,"total_awards_received":0,"treatment_tags":[],"ups":0,"upvote_ratio":0.25,"url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/therapists/comments/1smrx9p/treating_after_narc_abuse_nobody_talks_about_life/","user_reports":[],"view_count":null,"visited":false,"wls":6}]}